I commend you. You have landed on this site in search of some answers. Maybe you’ve been thinking about this for a while.
I’ve was told multiple times that I had a problem, but never sought a solution. Rehab was not for me. I still had a home and a job. I did not “need” any help. I wasn’t even aware that I was being enabled by many, including my family. This went on for a few years as I continued getting deeper and deeper into my addiction. I miraculously made it home most of the time, but rarely made it past the kitchen floor. A friend of mine told me later on that I was “chronically hung over for over three years”.
The day finally arrived when I looked into the mirror and acknowledged that I had a problem. A week prior, I was up for a few days in a row, binging on cocaine and alcohol. My heart pounded hard and my left side was nowhere to be felt. I was immobile for hours while daggers pierced my skull, my ears rang till no end. Two days later, Google told me that I possibly had a mild stroke. This didn’t stop me, but the fact that I acknowledged to myself that I had a problem was all that was needed to steer me in a new direction.
It was only a matter of time until the pain was greater than the high. I was able to recognize that using was actually causing me greater distress than not using. I was using to the point that it wasn’t even effective. I still felt all of the pains of having to deal with the person I hated most, myself.
This is what’s called “The Bottom”. It actually relates to the point when one recognizes that using drugs and alcohol (in my case) causes greater distress than not doing so.
I encourage you to make a timeline of your alcohol and drug use along with whatever undesirable behaviors/practices you might have partaken in over the years. Essentially, you’ll be making a timeline of when you first used, ie. cigarettes, experienced hangover(s), raided your friend’s family medicine cabinet, had that one night stand that you regretted, hurt yourself or someone else, almost got caught.. but “got away with it”, etc… Be specific and work your way until you get to the point that you found this page. Take your time. You won’t remember it all right away and that is quite alright. Getting started as soon as you can will help pave the new path you seek.
It took an enormous amount of courage to find this page. I encourage you to hold onto the hope that is here with you. What is it that you’re searching for? Your document will provide you with the awareness necessary to take action towards the life that YOU WANT to LiVE .